A Good Mother

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Being a mom is such a beautiful thing. I have been one for 10 years and I truly do enjoy it. However, it has not always been that way. I had my oldest daughter 2 weeks before I turned 21. I was stuck in the middle of wanting to be a mom and wanting to live life with my friends. I was in college and not working with a daughter to take care of. I didn't really have a mom growing up so being one was so foreign to me. I loved my daughter from the moment I saw her, I just didn't know how to grasp that "she is the most important thing now" concept. 
As time went on, I got better as a mother. At age 24, I was becoming a mother for the second time with another daughter. I truly believe I was given daughters to form better versions of me. It just took me a long time to realize that. Even though I had become a  better mom, it was in the sense that I was more intuitive to their needs and that I was beginning to understand that no one was going to take care of them but me. So, I needed to step it up and sacrifice more for them. By this time, I was not in school anymore and working fulltime. I was in my own home and supporting myself and my children. I have always considered myself a "good" mother. Probably because I knew I wasn't what would be considered a "bad" mother. 
I thought this until about 2 years ago when I completely had a mental breakdown and gave up on myself let alone mothering. I was barely able to keep myself together. It took me a good while to become mentally healthy which in turn made me a better person all around. I had to really do some soul searching on what my issues were and why I wasn't reaching the potential that I should have. And not just in life, in motherhood. Once I figured out what my issue was, I had to decide was I going to let it continue to hinder my children's lives and eventually give them the same "mommy issues" that I had, or was I going to realize that I was carrying around doubt and no self-love because of my own childhood. I realized that logically that made no sense. How dare I give my daughters issues and a lack luster growing up due to what I had experienced. It's literally like a switch turned on for me. I became the mother that I dreamed of having as a little girl. 
My daughters don't have every expensive shoe, outfit, or toy, but they are always clean, looking beautiful, well fed, happy, living in a home they love, and most importantly, they are loved by a mother who genuinely loves being their mom. I make sure that I am so involved in their world. We sit and discuss everyone's day together. We pick different tv shows that we all can get into and enjoy watching together each week. I help with homework everyday even if they say they know how to do it. We eat dinner together at the dinner table, so we can enjoy our food and each other. We set aside family game nights, so we can laugh and have some fun competition. And most importantly, I let them know every day how much I love them, and how without them, I would not be the woman I am today. 
If you asked me 5 years ago did I think I was a good mom, I would have just said yes. If you ask me that question now, I would smile super big and tell you to ask my children. Because their opinion is the one that matters.




Comments

  1. Court 💜May 31, 2018 at 6:52 AM

    You are a GREAT mother! You’ve always had it in you to raise the girls and treat them how you always dreamed of being treated growing up. You’ve always focused on making sure they never felt the way you did as a young girl and that right there is what makes you GREAT! It takes a tough mom/woman to focus on not inflicting pain or certain emotions you’ve endured on your little ones. Keep up the good work! You know I’m your number one fan and I am always rooting you on! You’ve come such a long ways and you have every right to consider yourself a GREAT mother! ������

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ashley JanayJune 2, 2018 at 9:34 AM

      This means soooooo much to me. Thank you so much for all your love and support. I love you so much.

      Delete

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