The Art of Forgiveness

When it comes to forgiveness, we have had our back and forth. Growing up as a child in an abusive home, I forgave every time it happened. As a quiet little girl who was picked on and bullied in school, I forgave. I would still try to be friends with those kids. I was the poster child for forgiveness.

Then something changed in me. By the age of 13, you couldn’t look at me in a bad way and think I’d speak to you again. Forgiveness was nonexistent in my life. And that is no exaggeration. I can remember that as a teenage girl and young adult, my mottos were

“I carry grudges like I carry my purse, and I take my purse EVERYWHERE.”  

And

“Jesus forgives, not ME!”

If I felt like someone wronged me in anyway, I would be done with them. No need to say sorry or apologize in anyway. You would be wasting your breath. I remember a time when I was 21, my father said something to me over the phone that I didn’t like. I hung up the phone on him and didn’t speak to him for about 8 years. 8 long years over a comment. Thinking back on that now, I was so foolish. If he had of died during that time, I probably wouldn’t have known how to handle it. I would have been devastated. I think I have always been a one way or another kind of person. I either completely let people walk over me, or I am completely cold hearted. And neither of those really made me happy or were healthy. I feel like my black and white kind of thinking was because of the depression and anxiety that I dealt with. But once I figured out what my issue was, I was able to handle my emotions better. Now I live in the grey area. I have almost mastered forgiveness. I also sleep better because of it. I live happier because of it. I still deal with my depression and anxiety issues, but I am getting so much better at dealing. It’s crazy the decisions and choices we make because we are going strictly off emotions. A very wise person told me that

“When you regulate your emotions, you can step outside them and make logical decisions.”

Some of the best advice I have ever been given.  And don’t think because I forgive easily now, that I am a doormat. Not even close. I forgive, but I do it from a distance. I think I always thought that once you forgive someone, they still must be a part of your life. And that is completely not true. I can forgive, but that doesn’t mean I have to forget. I always wish the person the best, pray for many blessings to reach them, but I keep my distance. No hatred in my heart, but I can’t let people who hurt me once get close to me to hurt me again. This may not be what works for everyone’s forgiveness level, but it works for me and I’m happy with it.

I teach my daughters to forgive. I teach them that not everyone is going to come into their life and stay there. It’s ok to distance yourself from people who are hurting your personal progress. Wish them the best and then move on with your life. I thought it was a joke when I heard that real forgiveness is for the person who was hurt or wronged, but it honestly is. Release the hurt and the hurter.

Whether you think I’m WRONG or RIGHT, it’s Simply My Insight

-Ashley Janay-